Someone buy Mike Newdow a dog, please!

Michael Newdow, the Madelyn Murray O’Hair pretender, has lost his first round in federal court to ban prayer and any other religiosity from the upcoming Presidential inauguration. Clearly, this is a lonely man. How else to explain Newdow’s obsessive self-promotion?

It started with his suit to remove the words “under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance. Following that defeat, he became the darling of the California moonbats, appearing wherever he could to promote his desire to scrub the stain of religious faith from American culture.

I figure a dog might do him some good. But maybe not. He may be too self-absorbed for a dog. He’s reputed to be fairly intelligent. Maybe we could buy him a chemistry set. Do they still sell chemistry sets, or have lawyers like Newdow managed to ban them, too?

On the surface, a girlfriend makes sense. But rumor has it that his last girlfriend, a true Californian, was prone to exclaiming “O-my-god” everytime she took a breath, and Newdow just couldn’t handle it. He’s sensitive when it comes to that g-word, even in lowercase.

I just have to wonder if he isn’t really a fake-atheist, an atheist wanna-be. I’d like to see his credentials.

Most any self-respecting atheist will tell you that when they hear someone pray or make some grandiose claim for God, they just shake their heads, murmur a ‘tsk-tsk’ and move on. “Poor, ignorant slob,” they mutter to themselves. “Won’t he be surprised when he gets to Heaven and finds the gates rusted shut, with a Closed Forever sign flapping in the wind?”

Not Michael Newdow. He’s on a Crusade, er, crusade (lowercase). This man really needs a hobby—like bowling. There’s a game of skill, with just a little bit of random chance thrown in for good measure. And you can enjoy it all by yourself. A perfect hobby for a lonely lawyer. And last time I checked, they don’t have Christian music nights at bowling alleys. Quick, somebody get the guy some bowling shoes before he sues again.

Oops, too late. He’s appealed. Send up some good thoughts for Michael Newdow. The poor guy needs them.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email


  1. I think you’ve got it all wrong. First, Mr. Newdow is incredibly intelligent. Not only is he a lawyer, like myself, he’s also an emergency room doctor. I, from firsthand knowledge know that it requires a certain level of intelligence to pass a Bar examination. I also know it requires a great deal of “smarts” to receive a medical license and to be able to operate on human beings, especially in an emergency room.

    Unfortunately, I think you miss the point of his whole lawsuit. First, you should read the amicus briefs supporting his position. Second, you should sit down and actually seperate yourself from your beliefs. What if you didn’t believe in God and you didn’t want your children to believe there was a mysterious “man in the clouds.” Then, they had to go to school and profess to a God, pledging allegiance with that God? You’d feel fairly indoctrinated.

    You Christians always feel it’s your mission to “save” everyone. That’s a little too self-righteous for me. What gives you the right to make you think you are better than someone else because you chose to believe in an adult Santa Claus?

    Your Blog is satirical, but unfortunately unfunny. You did try though and I at least commend you for that.

  2. Newdow is the one who has it all wrong. He is attempting to force his own twisted beliefs on the entire U.S. population. I don’t believe he is “incredibly intelligent”. I believe he is just an idiot who has found a national forum for his own personal beliefs. Atheism is the refuge of the weak.

  3. Christina says

    Christina: If you want to supply a real email address, I’ll be happy to post your comment.

  4. You Christians always feel it’s your mission to “save” everyone’

    Interesting, so does that mean that every atheist has a right “not to be offended”? I don’t think so. Oh really (you do?), then take down that offending post, I don’t like it. The constitution doesn’t protect your right to NOT LISTEN. Get over it, we aren’t forcing religion on you, stop forcing your views on the rest of the country. People like Michael Newdow tie up our courts, and more importantly tax dollars that could be spent somewhere else (like on the gulf coast).