A coyote urinated on my morning newspaper. I am fairly certain this is not the kind of problem paperboys have in most parts of the country.
I thought about calling for a replacement, but I didn’t want to have to tell the customer service rep that a coyote left a huge puddle of pee on our newspaper. I figure they’d either list me as a crank and hang up, or they’d say “Oh, sure, happens all the time. Probably a male marking his territory.” And really, I didn’t want to get into a discussion about coyote mating habits with a complete stranger.
Anyway, it seems pretty strange, don’t you agree? I mean, we’ve got miles of wide open spaces out here. This was no accident. It wasn’t like this coyote just couldn’t hold it for another six feet until he got to the mesquite tree.
This was a deliberate act of sabotage. My wife, whose political leanings are somewhat to the right of mine — her voter ID has a big R on it, mine has a D — thinks it was an act of civil disobedience by a pack of right-wing coyotes against our left-leaning local rag. She could be right. As symbolism goes, it’s not too bad.
The hole in that theory is that your average coyote isn’t known to have a metaphorical bent. They’re pretty literal-minded, according to coyote researchers.
If it happens again tomorrow, I’m calling the New York Times.