Your intrepid correspondent has obtained a super-secret memo detailing plans for a sequel to “The Passion of the Christ.” The project, tentatively named “The Passion: Reloaded,” takes place during the 40-day period following Jesus’ resurrection.
The memo to potential investors begins:
“With the amazing success of “The Passion of the Christ,” Icon Productions sees a market for a follow-on project. Think “Jesus Christ Superstar” meets “Rambo.” Beginning with his death, we’ll ask the question, what happened during those three days the Savior was in the tomb? Taking cues from the Nicene Creed, we’ll follow Jesus into Hades where we envision a martial arts duel between Jesus and hundreds of satanic beings: this will be way bigger than the burly brawl scene between Neo and the multiple Mr. Andersons.”
“Next, the Resurrection. When Jesus leaves the tomb, he’s joined by his faithful sidekicks Peter and Mary. The plan? To kick some Roman butt! But first, for some unfinished business: a visit to the High Priest. Imagine his shock when he answers the door: It ain’t Avon calling!”
“Those who criticized the first film for its passive Jesus will be happy to hear that the sequel will have plenty of action. Mary will get a chance to show her martial arts skills across the rooftops of Jerusalem—think “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” We think a warrior mother of God will widen the appeal of the movie to the feminist market.
The memo also hints at a video game tie-in. Gibson’s press agent would not verify the memo’s authenticity, but industry sources say that with “The Passion” attaining blockbuster status, everyone now expects Jesus to return very soon.