A MILLION reasons to have a will

Every year, thousands of rich Americans exit suddenly for the Great Beyond, leaving their wealth in jeopardy.

Unbelievable? It was to me, too, until I began receiving disturbing emails from my many concerned friends in Africa.

For example, you’ve undoubtedly heard of the renowned industrialist and African philanthropist Dr. Michael Hawkins. Several weeks ago I received notice that Dr. Hawkins had been killed in a fiery plane crash at Benin International Airport, a crash that claimed his wife and three children. I wept for the great man.

But imagine my astonishment on learning that Dr. Hawkins never left a will! What on earth was he thinking? Was the poor man living in denial about his mortality?

Fortunately, Dr. Hawkins’ loyal attorney, Barrister Ajovi Rose Boateng, an Accredited Bank Attorney and Consultant, contacted me for help. For a modest (30%) gratuity, I have agreed to help transfer Dr. Hawkins’ US $10.5 MILLION bank account back to the US where it can be put to good use. (Surely Africa doesn’t need the money!) The good doctor is smiling down on me right now, I know.

Africa has seen a great many such tragedies lately. Mr. Arthur, a very wealthy business tycoon working with Nigerian Airways for over 20 years, was killed in a bomb blast that also took the lives of his wife, the dear Lady Jennifer, and their three precious children. Oh, the humanity!

Then there was Professor Amos Sanders, who was horribly gored by a pregnant East African Oryx and died intestate, leaving behind US $8.8 MILLION. George Anderson, the great American geologist, had simply bent down to examine a pink schist when he was vaporized by a flaming meteorite, leaving behind US $15 MILLION. Even Mrs. Henderson, the heiress and last survivor to the American Hendersons of cosmetics fame, was bitten by a Black Mamba while gathering wild flowers in Gabon. She died in agony, bleeding from every pore, and left behind US $28 MILLION in her passbook savings account at Gabon International Bank.

Why are the wealthy so cavalier about their financial planning?! I recently updated my own will all by myself, using Quicken Willmaker 2008. So simple, even a Venture Capitalist could do it.

But the very rich are not like you and me, as someone has said.

Should Bill Gates or Warren Buffett or George Soros get it in their heads to go on safari, and should they be trampled under the hooves of stampeding Wildebeests, I’m certain the kind Barristers and Bank Managers of Africa will reach out to me on their Yahoo accounts and seek my help.

Naturally, I will be only too happy to assist — for a modest gratuity of 30% — US $ of course. It would be the only decent thing to do.