Coyote incontinence

A coyote urinated on my morning newspaper. I am fairly certain this is not the kind of problem paperboys have in most parts of the country.

I thought about calling for a replacement, but I didn’t want to have to tell the customer service rep that a coyote left a huge puddle of pee on our newspaper. I figure they’d either list me as a crank and hang up, or they’d say “Oh, sure, happens all the time. Probably a male marking his territory.” And really, I didn’t want to get into a discussion about coyote mating habits with a complete stranger.

Anyway, it seems pretty strange, don’t you agree? I mean, we’ve got miles of wide open spaces out here. This was no accident. It wasn’t like this coyote just couldn’t hold it for another six feet until he got to the mesquite tree.

This was a deliberate act of sabotage. My wife, whose political leanings are somewhat to the right of mine โ€” her voter ID has a big R on it, mine has a D โ€” thinks it was an act of civil disobedience by a pack of right-wing coyotes against our left-leaning local rag. She could be right. As symbolism goes, it’s not too bad.

The hole in that theory is that your average coyote isn’t known to have a metaphorical bent. They’re pretty literal-minded, according to coyote researchers.

If it happens again tomorrow, I’m calling the New York Times.

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  1. A mixed marriage, eh? Hmmmm…

    I do have to disagree with your wife on this. Who defends coyotes? Them right-wing, gun-totin’, Republican, card-carryin’ NRA members? I don’t think so.

    Coyote defenders are all tree-huggin’ pinko left-wing LIBERALS.

    Naw, I think the Coyote somehow thought the newspaper was a copy of the Washington “Times”. That’s why he let go on it.

  2. That first sentence is hysterical. You crack me up Charlie.

  3. And HOW do you know it was a coyote? Not a dog or a skunk or a opossum or bear or little boy down the street or for that matter, the paper boy himself, or a giraffe or a monkey or…?

    Thanks for the unexpected. I’m a fan of that :).

  4. Haha.