The reason Social Security is going broke is: too many old people and not enough babies. Inspired by Obamacare, I propose a plan to save Social Security.
Whereas, it is widely agreed that I have many unfortunate and annoying qualities;
And whereas, the beginning of a New Year is frequently regarded as an opportunity to make improvements aimed at reducing the generally negative impressions that one leaves in one's wake as one travels this vale of tears;
Therefore, be it resolved...
