Category: Humor

A modest proposal to save Social Security, and America

The reason Social Security is going broke is: too many old people and not enough babies. Inspired by Obamacare, I propose a plan to save Social Security.
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Putting America back to work

The biggest drain on American productivity is long check-out lines. I have a solution.
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Biden: A snore away from the presidency

Joe Biden: a snore away from the presidency.
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11 predictions for 2011

11 predictions for 2011
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Nagging questions: MacArthur Park

For over forty years, music lovers have pondered this nagging question: Who left the cake out in the rain, and why?
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The end of chocolate as we know it

Scientists in Switzerland turn all the knobs to 11, jeopardizing life as we know it!
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Blue whale crooners

Some surprising changes in the songs of the blue whale.
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One small breath for mankind

Now that breathing has been shown to contribute to global warming, do we just hold our breath? AnotherThink Industries, LLC, has a better way.
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A debate rages in New Mexico

In a faraway corner of America, your intrepid reporter discovers a still-raging debate on a question long ago settled in the sacred halls of academia.
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My 2008 New Year's resolutions

I unveil my 2008 New Year's resolutions.
| 3 Comments | 1 TrackBack

Candidates speak out on waterboarding

As a public service, I offer these quotations from two presidential candidates explaining their positions on waterboarding.
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Mugger magnet

An innocent country rube tours the Big Apple.
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A MILLION reasons to have a will

A MILLION reasons to have a will.
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The Case of the Purloined Pin

Blazing new trails in American jurisprudence.
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Why Fido won't fetch

Gullible Japanese fleeced in poodle scam.
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Johnny Hart dies

Johnny Hart dies at age 76.
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An American icon goes green

A sad story of eco-terrorism against an American icon.
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Swiss troops march on Liechtenstein

War possible along Swiss - Liechtenstein border, experts warn.
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Our quest for knowledge

These are the deep questions that stir our souls.
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It started with a paper cut

Question: What deadly, unregulated product is in the hands of every school child in America?
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Coyote incontinence

Coyotes gone bad.
| 4 Comments | 1 TrackBack

The DaVader Code

The DaVader Code.
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Raccoons on a plane!!!

Eight psychotic raccoons terrorize flight from Seattle
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Spirit of service®

If they can find a way to connect a tiny Pacific atoll to broadband, why can't I get DSL?
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International Laughter Day

International Laughter Day was Sunday and I missed it. I feel glum.
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The Dogs Playing Poker Code

The hidden messages in Coolidge's famous paintings of Dogs Playing Poker.
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Two kinds of people

There are two kinds of people in the world: me, and everyone else.
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The red pill

How I learned to stop worrying and love placebos.
| 5 Comments | 1 TrackBack

Resolved

Whereas, it is widely agreed that I have many unfortunate and annoying qualities; And whereas, the beginning of a New Year is frequently regarded as an opportunity to make improvements aimed at reducing the generally negative impressions that one leaves in one's wake as one travels this vale of tears; Therefore, be it resolved...
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Whirled peas

They have slain the Earl of Murray, and Lady Mondegreen.
| 23 Comments | 2 TrackBacks

If I were the King of the forest...

An exercise in impolitic politics.
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Death prowls the Amazon!

Unless they found a way through the choking jungle, Little Bobby would certainly die!

Court answers prayers of Darwin faithful

In a victory for Scientific Fundamentalists, a judge requires stickers calling evolution a "theory, not a fact" to be removed from Georgia textbooks.
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Manichewitz disputes archaeologist's claim

Are the stone pieces recently unearthed at Cana evidence of Jesus' first miracle, or a clever hoax?

Maryland renames Thanksgiving 'Lucky Thursday'

The pilgims "knelt in the sand and thanked their lucky stars."

Won't you help?

The scourge of illiteracy.

Commander-in-Chief perks

Presidential recreation.

Sartre Brigade deployed in Afghanistan

French existentialists to be deployed in Afghanistan. Mission: Eradicate faith in God.

FLASH! CBS News reveals major scoop!

Recently discovered documents purportedly by disciple Thomas question validity of Christ's resurrection.
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Why women live longer than men

Men are knuckleheads.
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The homily from hell

Get Religion's Doug LeBlanc imagines a different sort of memorial for Ronald Reagan.

Cheap hotels and ceiling fans

Acapulco for pennies a night!
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The Passion Reloaded?

The sequel to the Passion of the Christ.

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